Ever once in a while, my reality is so hard to face that I just have to ride my horse. This last week or so has put me back in the saddle. This is no ordinary horse.. this is a horse of salvation, a horse of tears and sorrows. He gallops into my life when I feel that i am close to that delicate point of giving in and giving up. From some unseen dimension he travels and picks up his weary passenger just as I feel the earth engulfing me. I'm so tired... the past few days have been particular hard on me physically and emotionally. I think the grief of the loss of my dear Sheila hit me a few days ago. I tried to cope, really I did. But the horse knew...he would be needed soon. This chronic fatigue has my body and mind in bondage. Every day is the same... I battle to make it through the work day, pray to make the 30 minute commute home and then shower and down for the count. My job is very hard on me. I have great responsibility and stress that is difficult on a person of sound mind and body. But as so many Fibro/CFS victims, I have to work. I will be homeless if I give in... so in my mind I ride the horse...I am energetic and pain free to endure the journey. We travel familiar roads and the mountain trails of my BF (before fibro) life. We stop by the stream in Elkmont and listen to the music of the water and smell the forest once again. Sometimes we ride along distant strange seashores. The other night he took me in my dream scape up the winding mountain to LeConte in deep snow at nightfall...it was beautiful. So with that vision in my mind, I will try to sleep soon. For tomorrow, God willing, I once again rise to the challenge and so will many of you.
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