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Sunday, October 6, 2013

Too Many Apples, Not Enough SPOONies

How many apples can one tree produce! I'm in apple overload and it has finally kicked my butt. We who suffer with chronic illnesses that suck your life forces like Dracula on crack, such as Fibromyalgia and POTS, are very familiar with the Spoon Theory.  Each day when you wake, you know you have X amounts of spoons of energy before the inevitable crash and burn. Each day is different, especially if that day is a recoup day from over exertion the day or so before. 
 On a "normal" day for me, I usually have about 15 spoons on a good day. After the simple act of rising, feeding animals, making coffee and putting on the war paint, I lose 2. The thirty minute commute to work takes 2. If a shit storm is waiting on me when I get there, bye bye to at least 6 more in an instant due to stress. If things are as I like to call it "relatively calm" I use about 4 through out the day. 3 or 4 for the thirty minute commute home(driving get more difficult as the day progresses), 2 more to feed circling animals, 2 more to shower( I am physically unable to shower in the a.m. it exhausts me) then BAM, down for the day. SLEEP AND REPEAT.  So as you can see the Spoonie life is one of priorities. I must reserve the sacred spoons for daily functions, not social or extra curricular activity.

Yes, this sucks. My weekends are for recoup and light housework spread out over two days. Occasionally I feel like doing something outside, but not often. But back to my adventures in apple canning/drying. I have continued to cook and can a dozen or so jelly jar size each weekend. I feel compelled to carry on . Why I cannot just let the remaining apples rot is one for a shrinks couch I suppose or even better and in my price range:

As I sit here totally exhausted , through the window I see apples hanging in the tree and a voice says "must save more apples".  Then my body screams you are killing me..knock it off.  So today I have refrained from the process and just laid like a slug in my recliner. I had to take two vacation days last week to get over my marathon canning of last weekend.  My blood pressure and tachycardia have been on a flare up for about two weeks.  This condition is so hard for me to accept.... I want my life back but so does the multitude who suffer from various illnesses that wipe you out completely and change your very essence of who you once were.  I am thankful that in my young life I did many things and was healthy. I feel so bad when I read blogs and see stories of young people who are bedridden with the "invisible illnesses"....by the way , I really don't like that title. If  I am lying in my bed or I am wheelchair bound and the reason is not physically obvious to the curious, then it is only invisible to those people. I assure you we see and feel  our sickness everyday of our life. Better not rant, not good for the BP. Back to the dilemma of too many apples, not enough spoons.  I have another dozen jelly jars and the use of a friends dehydrator. If I have the Spoons this coming weekend I will wrap it up. I think it is the fact the apples are so big and delish this year that has brought me to this sense of guilt for letting them just ruin. One particular apple was so beautiful I had to take a photo:






This reminds of a couple other women from history obsessed with the apple:









So, in closing I ask this burning question- If I went through all my Spoons for an Apple, what would I do for a Klondike Bar?