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Monday, November 10, 2014

SNOvember 1st or Why I will not live through a Zombie Apocalypse


It was a windy, overcast  All Hallows eve as I prepped for the yearly ritual of scaring the little neighborhood children as much as possible. My house is known in our little Town as "The Halloween House" and each year I try to live up to the expectations and go way out for decorating with the help of my ever faithful friend Lisa. This year our theme was The Lair of The Spider Woman. Lisa is very crafty and made all the decor  pictured below-



The weather forecast was warning of a winter storm advisory but I didn't get too worried about it- as long as the Trick or Treaters made it safely about their business who cared about a little rain/snow mix later in the night.  After all it was a Friday night and I was planning on doing absolutely nothing the next day. As the day progressed and the sky turned to an ashen gray, all I could think of was this little diddy by Shakespeare: BY THE PRICKING OF MY THUMBS, SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES.  I spent the day bagging treats for the kids and I am proud to say did not eat my first Milky Way mini until 12:03 p.m. I try not to social snack before noonish. By 5p.m., a cold light rain was falling and it did not look promising for the little tricksters.  I had in my possession, 40 snack bags of assorted mini candy bars. This is bad news for someone with a raging sugar addiction. I was about to give it up and turn the lights off at around 7:30 when two large golf carts filled with die hard Trick or Treaters came rolling into the driveway escorted by parents in vehicles. Bless em. They received the Lions share of three bags each and I was still holding around half of the goodies.  All was right with the world and I retreated to my Lair to nibble on candy corn and watch "It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown". I don't think there has been a season since it aired in the 60's that I have not watched it on network TV. When my mom was alive she would give me and my sister a reminder call  that afternoon or early in the evening that it was on and we would gather our kids around to watch.  So I sent a quick Facebook inbox to my sister, daughter and niece to get them tuned in as well.   Turner Classic Movies channel was showing old black and white horror films which I love dearly so I had pretty much forgotten something wicked this way comes.
I love that a few cable channels usually show a variety of Halloween movies throughout the month of October. By All Hallows Eve I had watched old and new classics from TCM, AMC and the Family Channel. Even though I have a large collection of horror and classic Hammer films, I still like to watch them with a bowl of popcorn during evenings in October. Have I told you I LOVE Halloween?
I heard some wind gusts beginning before I gave it up and said goodnight to my favorite night of the year.

My dogs bladders have absolutely no regard for the fact it is Saturday morning and I could sleep till the cows come home. So at around 5:45 a.m., I heard the familiar whining strains of "it's pee o'clock" human.

There is a distinct sound to snow. I didn't even have to look outside to know that snow was on the ground and still falling rapidly.  It is a sound of silence. Not the usual silence, but silence with a faint hollowness. A pure silence, a reverent silence.That silence was to be short lived.
I made my way to the living room to begin the routine of every morning of my life - Let the dogs out, turn on the Keurig, put the dogs green tea in the microwave( yes they get green tea twice a day) prepare dog food, etc... I tarried a little that particular morning because I was watching the huge snow flakes fall and noting around 3 inches on the deck and lawn already. Great. November the 1st  and the first snow to the Smokies. At least I was off work.... at that moment the lights flickered off and on. Ah shit. They stayed on and I headed for the coffee pot. It was then that the 26 hour Snopocalypse began, three fast flashes of lights and nothing but hollow silence and darkness. I glanced at the Keurig and saw the three blue lights fade to black.....OMG I don't have any coffee!!
              No Paul Newmans Extra Bold, no Green Mountain Dark Magic!
It's the weekend, I always let myself have three cups on the weekend! This is situation critical. I have become a full blown coffee junkie. I liked coffee before Keurig, but I LOVE it like I love Halloween now. When I got the Kuerig for Mother's day this past May one of my FB friends said "This will forever change your coffee drinking experience". No truer words have ever been written.  It was 6a.m. on November the 1st, and I was screwed big time. I looked and noticed that all my neighbors within view had electricity. This was not a good sign for me. I have one of the oldest houses in the community and my electricity comes from a different grid that traverses over the river and through the deeps woods. When I loose power and the remaining neighbors are on, I can expect a long wait. It is normally the result of trees down somewhere on the mountain across from me and it is a low priority area.  I felt a chill begin as the house cooled but I do have a backup propane tank with gas logs that can heat my house. The only problem was I hadn't turned it on at the tank yet and burned the smell off of the logs. As soon as it was daylight I got that issue solved. I had plenty of food , heck I could live off of leftover Halloween Candy for a week.
Now I must confess I am a prepper and proud of it (most of the time.) I first got into prepping during the Y2K frenzy. I went full blown on that particular fear event..generator,hand pump for well, food/water/medical etc... I didn't have to buy a Tampon until 2003.
I was eating the last of the Y2K beans into 2005. My family rolled their eyes and chuckled. I must have some really deep seated fear of being unprepared.  When the Mayan Apocalypse was expected in 2012 I was again prepared. Not quite the zealot of Y2K but again I was eating beans and tuna for a year or so. But now I have a big hitch in my get-a-long. Coffee. I had no instant brew and only the Kcups.
My whole theory of being prepared was unraveling as my mind raced on how to get the dark brew. By this time we had about four inches of snow and it was still falling. I heard the heat pump from the neighbors house running and then the Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea.
As my dogs watched confused by the morning silence and my incessant mumbling , I dug out my boots from the closet and headed toward the neighbors. Now bear in mind the house is vacant for the winter. He is 84 and only comes to stay in the summer and some Holidays. As I circled his house in search of an outside outlet, I had my doubts. His house is almost as old as mine and in the old days no one ever considered an outside outlet. Then I saw it...high on the wall of the carport a plug wired into an extension cord ran into the laundry room. Hallelujah!!!!  Thank you Lord!! 
I headed back to the house giggling like a giddy drunken school girl.  Dark Magic here I come. I grabbed the Keurig full of water ( it was heavier than I thought it would be) filled my hoodie jacket pockets with K cups and two insulated coffee mugs. I would make two large cups and bring them home. YES. 

I can only imagine the sight. I had on flannel pink pajamas and boots and was staggering through the snow with a Keurig in the midst of a winter storm.  But coffee fever has no bounds... I was huffing and puffing and my heart was beating in my ears when I finally got to the plug. As you may have guessed by now, it would have been smart to have tested the plug first. No power. I flipped out. The quite reverence of a snowy morn was suddenly laced with a few four letter words. I'll break in. He will understand. I can pay for any damage. All I need is to get to a plug for just a couple of minutes. It was at that moment , the moment I was planning a B&E  of my neighbor over coffee that I realized I would be a goner in the zombie apocalypse. I would go out in the first wave. In my mind I fought along side Daryl , Rick and Michonne. But now I knew, I'm just an old fat lady in flannel pj's considering committing a criminal act over a cup of Kuerig Coffee. I picked up my heavy sloshing Keurig in shame and walked slowly through the snowfall back to my house a wiser woman with a throbbing caffeine headache.