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Monday, May 13, 2013

Hello Night Terror My Old Friend

"Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep"... ever since Metallica put a whole new spin on this somewhat disturbing  in its own right childhood prayer with ENTER SANDMAN I can't  help but to  think of the song  when I have what I call a "doozie" of a night terror.  It's a little after 1a.m,  and I find myself up and in the recliner seeking solace in a bowl of chocolate cheerios (give me a break for at least eating a little fiber) after a night terror of epic proportions.  I think I have talked about this before, I am a lucid dreamer. I could write pages on the dream scape of my life. Over the past few years I have been having sleep paralysis which is by the way, one of the most frightening , out of control experiences you will ever encounter.  Usually, I suddenly become semi-awake and i am aware that something is sitting on me or hovering just above me in my bed. I know where I am, but I cant wake up. I cant open my eyes or move at all. I am screaming in my mind to wake up damn it! I have always been able to eventually get my eyes open, but I still cant move.When I can focus it is usually over, or the part where i think something is there is over, but I cant move for another couple of minutes. This by the way do suck.... Tonight has taken me to a  whole new realm...before I get into it, I must say I have had some exceptional stressors the past few weeks with my health diagnosis and just the everyday battles we all face in our work and personal lives that leaves you tettering on the brink of sanity. I have often said that I wished a pharmaceutical company would develop a valium or xanax lick, you know, similar to a salt lick you put out for deer and cattle. How awesome to just have one on every corner at work and when that one coworker/client has you ready to go postal, just walk by and lick it like a lollipop...aaww.. problem solved. But back to tonight's featured presentation- I was very exhausted this evening and went to bed around 8:30p. I suspect the Sandman had me out cold by 9. This is what I remember: I was lying on my left side, covered in a sheet  on a hospital gurney in a room of grey darkness. I could not see or hear anything but I was aware of a doctor with me and a procedure was happening, i felt like it was maybe a birth or something of that nature. I asked " what are you doing?" because I felt as if something had been inflated in my skin or body.. He said "don't talk". And I didn't . I was rolled into a place of darkness that felt like it was in a big open glass enclosed room. Suddenly the most terrifying feeling of something approaching came across me, I was still on the gurney, covered with a sheet but i knew it was standing beside me in the darkness. This is when the muffled screams that would not leave my lungs were forming. But this time I was not paralyzed. My mind was screaming fight, swing do something... it's here. I then felt the sheet move and lift up.  I was able to swing my right arm up and back and I grabbed hold of what felt like a long boney finger or something. At that moment , my mind was still trying to get me to release the  scream, and boy howdy, did I.  I sat up in bed with a blood curdling scream, fighting and punching  the darkness. I was joined by the barking of two vicious 7 pound Toy Fox Terriers in their crate in my bedroom. I was wringing wet with sweat and pretty well beyond disturbed.  I looked at the clock and it was 12:25a.m.
This is very discouraging to me as I have had two sleep studies and I am currently on a Cpap . It has been one year since  I have had a dream of this magnitude. Needless to say it is going to be a long, bumpy night ..