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Thursday, May 30, 2013

Bet You Can't Eat Just One

Yep...that about says it all. I have been on an eat-a-thon of epic proportions. I feel like one of those weird creatures from Stephen Kings book "The Langoliers", nothing has escaped my ravenous hunger for about a week.  I continue to drag my exhausted body to work everyday and pray for strength to make it home.  I have so much going on that I cant even think about taking a few days off to try to rest and recharge. Unfortunately, I seem to turn to my old deadly friends carbs and sugars to give me a temporary boost to get me through the day. Today I found myself in a situation of being in a sitting position at our off site building that is under construction. I was alone and went to check the progress, I felt a POTSY moment and sit down on a milk crate for a few minutes. Then much to my distress, I couldn't get up...my legs were not strong enough to lift the load. After a few minutes of thrashing around  like Ralphies little brother in the snowsuit (A Christmas Story reference, I use them often) I finally manged to get up. Damn. Not only has my hair turned silver, now I'm going to have to get a "Ive fallen and I cant get up" necklace. It's days like these that I change my mind and say to hell with the side effects of surgery, I'm having the gastric sleeve....I refuse to buy another pair of even fatter pants. I eat when I feel stressed, lonely, sad, bored,angry, depressed, etc... so basically every emotion elicits the addiction for me to satiate my self with carbs and sugars.  I'm angry at myself for having so little control in that area of my life when in other area's I am a complete control freak.  I was, in my old life,  the one that would take care of everyone's problems... I made them go away. I was a one woman Mafia...no more. Even though I still gravitate toward a feeble attempt at my self appointed role of General Manager of the Universe, I simply don't have it in me any longer. Some folks In my life think that I have becoming too apathetic...and maybe I am to a certain degree. I just don't have the energy to feel much these days.  But  tomorrow is another day, so I will try to start the withdrawal process of sugar that usually takes me a couple to three days to complete.  For now I yearn for the comfort of the Granny Bed.
GIVING UP ON TODAY