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Sunday, March 3, 2013

Blustery Days

 Mother Goose is Feathering Her Nest
Farewell to the weekend...the fastest frame of time for all of us Monday through Friday people. It passes so quickly for me even though I do practically nothing. Most weekends are the same for me: pajamas, no warpaint and total introversion. I rarely leave the house.  Every Sunday I get the " Sunday Morning Coming Down" blues. You Kris Kristofferson  fans will know what I'm talking about. Mine certainly doesn't have anything to do with too much partying on Saturday nights. I have had the Sunday blues all my life, so has my sister. I think it is something genetically woven into the people of the Appalachia's. Some ancient Celtic/Scot Spirit who traversed the stormy sea's with our ancestors searching for a new home.  Some Sundays are worse than others, today was one of the bad ones. It has been a blustery weekend in the mountains. The skies are gray and it has snowed on and off all weekend. No accumulations, just the cold windy days that pelt you with a sleet/snow mixture. I have thought of my mom a lot this weekend. Yesterday for a brief, beautiful few minutes, the snow was falling in huge flakes that looked like white feathers. She would always say to us when we were little that "Mother Goose was feathering her nest".  She passed away in 2006 from Breast Cancer. I certainly do miss her, she had a way of straightening you out quickly if you began to throw yourself a pity party,  It's so easy with FM/CFS to feel sorry for yourself. I'm thankful  that for the most part, I am past that stage. Oh I still have my moments, everyone does. But when you have been looking this beast in the eye for 14 years, you have pretty much accepted your reality or you're mad as a hatter...or maybe both. I read so many blogs, especially from younger people, who are struggling with diagnosis issues and the loss of all that was a "normal"life for them. Don't get me wrong, you have absolute righteous anger at this point.  It takes time and much soul searching to get to your personal state of grace. You will definitely have a new normal if FM/CFS becomes your life partner. Many  people lose their spouses. I did, but our situation included his infidelity and he was a selfish, lying asshole( sorry I digress) so I refuse to let myself or this illness be an excuse for that type behavior. But in all sincerity, it is very difficult on a relationship to stand up to Fibromyalgia.  I'm sure there are sufferers out there who have significant others who are understanding and would love them through thick and thin.You better thank your lucky stars for that type of support, if you have it.  I am fortunate to have family , friends and co-workers that understand my physical limitations and my  moody nature. My sister also has FM/Lupus and is nearing the 20 year mark on her diagnosis.  We have several  cousins diagnosed with it, as well as my sisters daughter, who was diagnosed in her mid 20's. We say our family could have its own wing in a hospital with all the FM/CFS, Lupus and other auto-immune disorders we possess. My maternal grandmother was bedridden for as long as I can remember her.It both scared me and fascinated me that she lived in a bed. She had the physical ability to walk, but she said she was just too weak and tired, and that her head "swimmed". Of course now I know what she described was vertigo.  My first memories of her were the early 1960's. I think she took to her bed many years before that, probably at least 30 years earlier. No one in the family would talk about it, I think they thought she was mental (IMAGINE THAT!). So here we are, two and three generations later with the same ailments. Poor Granny...I feel your pain and frustration and I'm so sorry you were treated like a crazy hypochondriac by most family members, your doctors and your neighbors. So, I prop myself up in my very own Granny Bed and  give the world the finger on your behalf.
I am currently reading a great book I downloaded to my Kindle-  Chronic Fatigue Syndrome: A Treatment Guide by Erica Veririllo. It is excellent, a very in depth look into possible causes and treatments for Chronic Fatigue. I have read volumes on this subject and this is the best information I have found. Sometimes the material and references are repetitive, but I appreciate the redundancy.  With my foggy mind it takes me reading something more than once to retain the information. Oh yes, the Chia's are still working to spite my yearning( and caving) for ice cream. They seem to work best when I put a tbsp into yogurt. On that  note I have changed to Dannon Lite Greek, it is awesome and in my( and my daughters )opinion more yummy than Chobani or Oikos and less expensive.