My Favorite "F" Word

Amen brothers and sista's!   Oh TGIF... my first full week back to work after surgery to remove the lap band and it has been exhausting beyond words.  I have really struggled physically and mentally to stay upright and alert (well, semi-alert) at my desk.  Thank goodness I have an office chair that has a reclining footrest and when I'm about to go down for the count, I can take a few minutes of  recoup time with my feet elevated. This really helps when you have POTS. Also I  guzzle bottles of  water and have a side of sea salt. I finally got some Pink Himalayan Sea Salt which I read was suppose to be a superior salt.. I don't know if that is true but I want to give it a shot. I give everything that might help a shot. If you have Fibro/POTS or Chronic Fatigue you desperately seek that magic bullet. It is a never ending quest to ease the pain and symptoms and have some semblance of a "normal" life. The thought of just seeing/experiencing a shadow of your former self is a slippery rope to which you cling  with all the life force you have left. I don't want to get too serious, it seems way too many things are dark and troublesome surrounding all of us these days. So I shall change the subject.  Yesterday I had a wicked bout of vertigo at work. I usually have some anti-vert with me at all times, but I did not have it in my purse. If you have never experienced vertigo, then bully for you and thank the good Lord you have been spared, for it feels like this:

Yep, its awful... If I can go to sleep I am usually better. Since I didn't have the anti-vert I took a Benedryl. Not a very smart move. I could not hold my head up. I left work and came home and went to bed around 2:30 p.m. I tiptoed in the house so my dogs would not realize I was home(they were outside in the fenced yard), I needed the type of nap that does not involve slobber, cold noses, barking, etc... I fell into a deep sleep and dreamed vivid dreams of those who have passed. I do that often. My dreamscapes are usually spent with my mother and other deceased family and friends. I'm use to it.  When I woke , I lay there in a semi- sleep state and became aware of how bright the room was and I suddenly panicked with the "Oh my God the clock didn't go off- I've overslept and I'm late for work!" Yep, crazy as a sprayed roach.  Then my next thought was why have the dogs not woke me up ( they sleep in dog crates in my room and usually are ready to pee at daylight)  oh no....at this point I'm still thinking its Friday morning. Then the cu de gra : " I am so tired, I just can't work today, I'm going to have to call in sick.."  Then an annoyed voice from somewhere in the deep recesses of my old gray matter yelled "Hey Dumb-ass, wake up! You just took a nap."  I looked at the clock and it was 4:03 p.m.  Lordy, Lordy...I have officially entered the realm of the senile.  I was just so relieved it was not time to return to work... no more Benedryl for me. I was back in the bed by 8:30 and sound asleep. That is one thing I am so grateful for is my ability to sleep like Rip Van Winkle. So many people with Fibromyalgia cannot sleep. For years I had this problem , but since getting my C-PAP a year ago I have averaged 9 hours a night. Unfortunately, even 9 hours does not alleviate my fatigue.

Going back to work after being home and away from the stressors and stimuli of my work environment has proven harder than I thought it would be. The type of POTS I have is called Hyperadrenergic. My adrenal glands are constantly producing adrenalin and I stay in a "fight or flight" mode all the time. When I am home, I am in a controlled environment and it is not so bad. After almost two weeks of relative calm and rest, I have had bad responses to noise, traffic and just life in general. I could feel the adrenalin pouring and myself just getting stressed out and angry at everything. I am on medicine to help with the dumping of the adrenalin but it sure has been a rough week. I suppose it will take me some time to re-adjust after being off.
I am still attempting to cut out the sugar and I have been pretty successful overall. I have fell off the wagon a couple of times, the worst being last weekend when I saw a Pinterest post on Homemade Brownies and how easy they were to make and how much better they taste... and they did.  So far the urge to eat my body weight in one sitting has not been an issue with the lap band removed. I'm trying to walk 10 minutes a day and ride the recumbent bike some. Emphasis on trying. I have a new hobby and I have been shooting some photos around my house. Hopefully someday I will expand my horizons. Here are a few I hope you enjoy.

Happy Pappy~ I am fostering him for our local shelter.

8/21/2013  Blue Moon~ second full moon of the month.The next Blue Moon is 2016

The hollow behind my barn. The pond is on the other side of the table.

Come into my parlor.......

Somewhere in the Smoky Mountain Rain

 

The reflection of the sun in the pond..I see a white angel or cross in the pink circle.

Band on the Run (Lap-Band that is..)

WHHEEWWWW.....glad that is over. As I blogged earlier, I have been in a love/hate relationship with my gastric lap-band Gary for almost  9 years. The past 18  months have been extremely  terrible with the lap-band failing and the regaining of around 40 pounds, give or take a muffin top here and there. Add to that  much nausea,pain, acid reflux and just generally feeling like a run over dog.  I am now one week post op and doing well. The surgery to remove the hellacious device only took about 20 minutes. I did have some scar tissue around the port area that had to be removed.  Dr. Boyce told my sister and daughter that it just "popped" out . My theory is this is really what happened:

Alien- starring Mr Bill as Kane

But seriously, I did very well and I am very happy at this point that I opted out of the gastric sleeve. I really think my body needs some time to recuperate from having a silicon corset around my stomach for 9 years.The evening of my surgery I had some type of reaction. I suddenly became feverish and my face was blood red. Being the highly trained medical professional I am ( attended the Granny Clampett school for Doctoring),  I decided my body was trying to adjust to the loss of the foreign body it had been forced to accommodate for so long. After some cold compresses and Tylenol I was fine. It happened again the next day, but to a lesser extent.
 I dare not to say it out loud as I will certainly vex myself, but I think I already feel a little better. I so want to believe that maybe my extreme fatigue and the worsening of my Fibromyalgia has  something to do with the lap-band. I know for sure it certainly did not help my health issues. I may have lost some weight in the beginning , but to what end? My prayer is to be able to take walks and attempt to gradually increase my ability to exercise. I am so sick of being so physically weak.  If you suffer from any chronic illness, when you have a good day or heaven help us two or three, you dare to open your heart once again to that fragile four letter word:                                                 Hope

 

I shall continue to Hope  that someday I will recognize myself  returning on the horizon. I will run and embrace the weary traveler like a mother welcoming her long lost child.   Judy Tucker